Forgiving Others to be Forgiven

Often times, forgiveness (especially forgiving others) becomes the corner stone in one’s ability to grow spiritually.  We know our Lord said that we had to forgive others in order to be forgiven, but what does that really mean and how is our spiritual growth stunted when we fail to forgive?

For me, the answer is in the fruits of not forgiving, namely resentment.  It took me a while to even recognize resentment for what it really is.  I told myself that I was justified in my feelings and therefore it was not a true resentment, or I told myself I had forgiven someone and that it was okay even though I harbored the resentment inside.  They say resentment is like drinking poison expecting it to kill someone else. I can tell you from personal experience that analogy is not far off from the truth. Resentment was killing me spiritually with each emotion I felt and resentment was the prime source of my unhappiness.

To begin to nourish myself spiritually, I had to identify each resentment in my life, what the cause of the resentment was, and how it impacted my life.  I had to realize that it was likely that the person I resented was not trying to intentionally do harm, but was likely dealing with their own issues and resentments.  I had to find a way to look at the other possible perspectives and condition myself to view the person as a child of God that could use my help and prayers.

It truly takes two to tango, and resentment is a dangerous dance.  I had to be brutally honest about my part in a given situation that ultimately led to the resentment.  Did the other person retaliate to something I did?  Did I step on their toes out of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, or self-pity?  Often it is our own selfish decisions that put us in a position to later be hurt.  For the times I found I had a part in the situation that led to the resentment (which was nearly all of them), I had to take responsibility for my actions and attempt to make amends to those that I may have hurt in a given situation.

When this exercise is completed thoroughly and fearlessly, it leads to learning true tolerance, patience, and good-will towards others, even “enemies”.  It enables true peace and tranquility to become the norm.

In the end, it was in the act of making amends that I was able to forgive someone else, allow someone else to forgive me, and (perhaps most importantly) forgive myself.  For me, the act of making amends becomes a beautiful picture of the words our Lord spoke regarding the need to forgive others in order to be (not to mention feel) forgiven.