Our first reading gives us several examples of codependency that can exist within the family. The favoritism of Israel toward Joseph. The anger and jealousy of the brothers. The feelings of abandonment, rejection, and betrayal. All symptomatic of a codependent family structure.
Codependency is a very relevant topic for our society today. I have read statistics that strongly suggest nearly 90% of Americans suffer from some level of codependency.
At its most basic level, codependency is the excessive emotional or psychological reliance on another person, place, or thing. In this case, Israel developed an unhealthy attachment to Joseph. Israel’s sense of self (his very sense of identity) was based on his relationship to Joseph. To put it in more Catholic terms, Israel made an idol of Joseph.
There isn’t enough context in the reading to know the exact nature of what the relationship was; however, we certainly see very clearly that the symptoms of a problem existed.
Codependent parents often fall into one of two categories: permissive or authoritative. It is possible that Israel was permissive with Joseph, while at the same time, authoritative with the other siblings.
Either way, codependency can have a profound impact on how siblings learn to interact, communicate, and relate to one another.
Siblings in codependent family structures often exhibit routine efforts to gain attention and validation. Siblings constantly exhibit jealousy, resentment, and insecurity (as we see in our reading today).
Growing up in a codependent family structure can lead to an adulthood marked with difficulties creating and maintaining healthy boundaries as well as difficulties creating and maintaining meaningful relationships with others and even with God.
Over time, intimacy and trust often erodes and are replaced with feelings of powerlessness and despair. Stress, anxiety, depression, and other forms of emotional turmoil often become the norm.
Imagine how dysfunctional it really had to be in order for the brothers of Joseph to hit a bottom so low that it became desirable to either kill Joseph or sell him into slavery.
Of course, we know the end of the story for Joseph. By the grace of God, he became a great leader for the Hebrew people. He and his brothers were able to make amends. Seemingly, at least, it was a happy ending for Joseph and his family.
If you find yourself, or someone you know, in a codependent situation, please know of my empathy and prayers. There does come a point where we can “love” others too much. A disordered love that is sourced from a point where we desperately need approval, acceptance, love, or friendship.
From that point, it often spirals into a cycle of insanity consisting of growing guilt, shame, resentment, and depression.
Like any cycle of addiction, codependency can be broken by the promises of Christ. Surrendering our lives and our wills, and particularly our relationships, to the care of Jesus Christ. Learning and practicing authentic acceptance, detachment, and surrender are often the keys to conquering codependent patterns in our lives.
I’m sure we will go into more depth on these themes in future homilies. However, here are three takeaways for today to start the journey of depending on God and embracing the freedom of Christ:
Spend time with God everyday. Come to Mass, receive the Eucharist, spend time in Adoration, read the Bible, and make time for prayer in general.
Live for God as opposed to human validation. Earnestly seek His will and resolve to live it out. Come to understand what your charisms are and find ways to exercise and strengthen them.
Say “No” to unhealthy relationships. Learn to identify the dysfunctional patterns that may exist in family structures, establish and maintain healthy boundaries, and allow God to be your guide and your strength.
Conquering codependency is most challenging, but sanity can be restored and healthy, loving relationships are possible as we remember the marvels the Lord has done.
Thanks be to God!
